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The Truth is Stranger Than Fiction! It seems I have tapped an endless source of very entertaining true stories. They seem too strange or silly to be true....That's the joy of it! Enjoy...
January 7, 2004 -- Lynne Snyder, head of newborn services for Avista Adventist Hospital in suburban Louisville, said, "We were overflowing there for a while." **** Are you a God-fearing soul who enjoys
being naked? Your prayers have been answered. Trilane Ludwig may not have much in the
brain department - but he sure has plenty of chutzpah. Ludwig may now face more charges, and his mother is so angry, she's refusing to bail him out with real money. **** In a case of incredibly boar-ish behavior, a wild boar broke into a Berlin apartment searching for food - and, when it couldn't find any, he attempted to eat the owner. "When the 54-year old resident tried
to shoo the boar back out the door, it went wild," a police spokesman said. **** After 24 years of engagement, a Moroccan soldier has finally married his bride. At least he had a good excuse - he was in a Sahara Desert jail. "I was convinced she'd wait for me," said the man, named Abderrahim, who was captured by guerrillas in 1979 during a war for control of the Western Sahara territory. He was freed last November. His bride, Bahia, said, "I knew he'd come back one day. I never showed pain, but hid it deep in my heart." Bill Hoffmann, Wire Services ****
"I can't accept this!" the teller at BB&T bank in Chesapeake, Va., told the man, who was so startled, he did a fast about-face and fled empty-handed. **** Guys can no longer let it all hang out at
the Milwaukee Athletic Club. "This is not over yet. What would happen if I just show up for a swim one day without a suit?" asked Bob Schmidt, 56, who's been swimming at the club in the nude since he was 6 years old. **** An Iranian cabby may be executed for attaching a sticker to the window of his taxi proclaiming, "The era of arrogant rulers is over." Officials in Tehran say Ali Akbar Najafi, 27, violated the national security laws with his words. **** Just how upset are worshippers at St. Paul's Evangelical Lutheran Church in Toledo, Ohio, over the theft of its baby Jesus statue from the annual nativity scene? One of them "called the police and asked if he should file a missing-persons report or just a theft," said the Rev. Roger Miller. **** A Norwegian man who went for his driving test failed before he even got in the car - not surprising, because he was flat-out drunk. The 50-year-old man, who was given a breath test, may now lose the right to obtain his license. **** A German cat burglar who downed half a bottle of Scotch got so drunk, he stripped naked and climbed into bed with his sleeping victims. The married couple slept on soundly as the naked man got into their double bed and fell asleep - waking up only after he started snoring. The pair immediately called the cops in Moers, and the officers busted the boozed-up burglar. December 17, 2003 -- Stop peeing on our
highways! Officials say that during a nine-month period last year, one highway-cleanup crew picked up 2,666 jugs of urine and 67 bags with human excrement in them. **** An Ohio street preacher has been fined
$100 for delivering his sermons too loudly. **** The Grinch stole Christmas, and now
somebody's stolen the Grinch. That prompted Sandy Blanco, whose Grinch was pinched, to hang a sign that reads, "Someone stole our Grinch! Have a heart, please bring it back." **** Cops sat down to eat at a New Hampshire
restaurant - then busted their waiter for bank robbery. Unfortunately for him, eight more cops and a police dog were waiting by the door. **** Gourmets in India feasted on a buffet of
roasted rats and mice to celebrate ancient tribal eating habits. Bill Hoffmann, Wire Services **** December 16, 2003 -- Better think twice
before bringing Broadway to Bluffton, S.C. "I'm thinking more about the children
- they would see those posters up everywhere," said Town Clerk Sandra
Lunceford. **** December 15, 2003 -- A new $7 million train station in Edinburgh, Scotland, has people on the go - but they can't go, because the facility was built without a single bathroom. "[It] is not just silly, but actually shameful," said Kenny MacAskill of the Scottish National Party. **** Most dogs present their masters with bones, but not Sidney the black Labrador - she dumped a human skull in her owner's lap. Larry Thomas of Eaton, Ohio, immediately contacted the cops, who believe that Sidney picked the head up at a crypt that had been recently looted in a nearby cemetery. **** It's one small step for man - one giant
leap for little green men. "We may go to Mars in 30 to 50
years," said Jim Dator of the University of Hawaii. **** Need some of the old Christmas spirit real
fast? Simply light candles, sing carols and sip mulled wine. **** Bangkok's new plan to ease traffic
congestion is costing the city only peanuts to run. **** A taxi driver went to relieve himself in the bushes outside a popular Japanese department store and stumbled over a partially mummified corpse. The body of the elderly man - apparently homeless - had apparently lay in the shrubbery for at least two months, with unknowing shoppers walking within a few feet of it, cops in Osaka said. Bill Hoffmann, Wire Services **** Nancy Samuelson walked around the world -
without ever leaving Nebraska. "We did figure it out on a
globe," Samuelson, 42 said. **** A tractor-trailer really delivered when it jackknifed in Bloomsburg, Pa., and spilled 32,000 pounds of liver onto a highway. There were no injuries in the mishap along Route 11, but nearby residents have endured the nauseating stench of raw liver for several days. **** A 7-week-old kitty miraculously survived
after being sucked into a street sweeper in Australia. "I went to empty it and out rolled the kitten. I just couldn't believe it. He was pretty dirty, but other than that, he was OK." The lucky feline has been nicknamed Hoover. **** A dedicated teacher is offering to sell one of his kidneys in a bid to raise money to build three new classrooms in his elementary school. The 41-year-old educator from Mexico City, who wants $55,000 for his kidney, said, "When I went to take out the newspaper ad, the person stared at me, stunned." **** December 10, 2003 -- Juan Olivares, the mayor of tiny Arvin, Calif. - population 20,000 - wants a local sheriff's deputy fired for disrespectful behavior. Seems the deputy called him a name after
stopping him for having illegally tinted windows on his car. **** Wanna get high without breaking the law?
Crack up with humor. According to the findings, one region of the brain in particular - the nucleas accumbens - lit up after the subjects were shown a hilarious cartoon, but remained fairly listless after they viewed a mediocre one. **** It was anything but a flat tire. If lab tests prove the little blue pills are genuine, the confiscated cache is worth nearly $607,000, officials said. **** Gangs of youths in sweats and sneakers have been pouncing on unsuspecting pedestrians in South Philadelphia, and pummeling them senseless with boxing gloves. In most of the attacks, the black-hooded
hooligans don't take anything. **** The Hungarian branch of DHL, the international courier, tried to destroy artwork valued at $430,000 after mistaking it for pornography. The MEO gallery in Budapest learned the photographs of top Japanese photographer Nobuyoshi Araki were destined for destruction after contacting DHL to find out why they had not arrived in time for a planned exhibition. Wonder how DHL could confuse art with
porn? Araki's photographs are of naked prostitutes.
****
Roberts, 57, is happy there's an explanation because "I thought I was losing my mind." **** Chad Allen looked in his toilet bowl and
thought he'd gone mad. Inside was an octopus. "It's wild that something like that would happen. Peoria has one of the best sewer systems in Illinois," said Mayor James Dillon. **** When you drink too much milk, you tend to
vomit. Teacher Jeff Ferguson of Smithfield-Selma HS isn't feeling too good, either - he's been suspended. "It's been rather unpleasant," he said. **** A restaurant in Chile is serving fried rat
with potatoes as a main course. "The meat is red and tastes much better than rabbit. It is like pork and we serve the whole rat, head included." ***** A Thai company has launched a tea-scented
panty liner - but the jury is out as to whether it will be successful. **** November 12, 2003 -- Louise Fowler, 16, was heartbroken in 1935 after her 23-year-old boyfriend, Roy Domigan, gave her a diamond engagement ring and her parents promptly moved from Michigan to California to keep her from marrying. So now, at the age of 83, she was stunned that Domigan, 90, gave her a call out of the blue. The two recently had a reunion in Redmond, Ore. "It's amazing to think after 68 years, he would want to get in touch with me," Fowler said. "I never did forget him. I always wondered about him." **** Business at Bonzai Japanese restaurant in Seattle is booming on Saturday nights - when patrons are invited to eat sushi off a sexy topless girl lying on her back.
**** People would rather go to the dentist than sit in
gridlocked traffic for more than an hour, a new survey says. **** Two politicians were caught speeding outside Paris - as they drove to an unveiling ceremony for the country's first speed-trap cameras. Reporters with a radar gun clocked transport minister Gilles de Robien cruising at 61 mph and law-and-order chief Nicolas Sarkozy going 64 mph - on a road with a top speed of 43 mph. Red-faced de Robien admitted: "Nobody is above the laws of the road." **** A British art group is trying to get painters and
sculptors to stop putting "ugly" nude women in their pieces. Spokesman Jonathan Rush told the BBC the society was a group of "art lovers who are bored with looking at geometric or ugly nudes in galleries." Bill Hoffmann, Wire Services **** November 18, 2003 -- When Mark Hogg of Louisville, Ky., swallowed 94 live worms in 30 seconds to set a record three years ago, he probably thought nobody would be crazy enough to try to beat it. He was wrong. *******
Fire Lt. Mike Flores said chimneys are among the worst ways to make an entrance because "once you get down there, there's no way of getting out. It's almost impossible." Hey, Mike what about Santa Claus? ******* The folks along a block in Michigan have taken a ribbing for years - but that's what happens when you live on Crapo Street. Now, sympathetic trustees in Highland Township are trying to ease their unending pain by renaming it Gov. Crapo Street, after former Gov. Henry Crapo. As you'd expect, not everybody is satisfied. ******* Is it art or an eyesore? Anyway, better hurry if you want to see it. Gayle's been hit with an order from the Department of Public Works saying she has until Dec. 1 to remove "those piles of dirt." ******* They just got hitched and their marriages have already
sunk. The brides and grooms said, "I do" through hand signals and by writing on underwater slates, while special underwater speakers piped in traditional wedding tunes. Bill Hoffmann, Wire Services
November 19, 2003 -- Christmas may have gone a little too high-tech in Kalamazoo, Mich., where kids who want to see Santa at a local shopping center are being handed pagers that beep and vibrate when it's their turn to sit on Santa's knee. Crosswinds Mall spokesman Al Shifflett III insists it's
all in keeping with the holiday spirit, explaining: ****** A man and a pay phone were rushed to a hospital after he got his finger stuck in the coin-return slot trying to retrieve his 50 cents.
****** In a bizarre case of cyber-rage, an Indiana man shot his wife dead when he caught her chatting with another man over the Internet - then blew his own brains out. Cops say an already-wounded Daleleen Downs, 25, phoned 911, screaming, "Please don't! Please don't!" before being shot a second time by hubby Curtis Downs, 28, at their home in Mooreland. "Him and her never did get along very good," explained a friend. ****** A Malaysian man being treated for an eye infection was
found to have a broken-off chopstick lodged in his face. And they said he was lucky to be alive as the chopstick had been nudging against his brain. ****** Mourners at a funeral chapel in Belgium were jolted
when a cell phone started ringing inside the coffin. ****
Brian McLaughlin, 30, allegedly sold nine pagers and one emergency radio for about $900. At least he didn't cheat his customers. One bidder was so pleased with the goods, he wrote, "Items exactly as represented. Fast shipping. Great to do business with." ******* Texas daredevil Jackie Bibby stuffed the tails of nine live rattlesnakes in his mouth to beat his own world record. The 52-year-old daredevil, who performed the slithery stunt behind his mobile home in Whiskey Flats said, "I think I could do 12 or 13, but probably no more. My mouth is only so big." Bibby also holds the world record for sitting in a bathtub with the most live snakes - 75.
******* You may wonder why a San Francisco aquarium threw a big birthday party for an Australian lungfish named Methuselah. Turns out Methuselah arrived at the aquarium in 1938 as a fully grown adult - which makes him more than 65, and the oldest fish in captivity. The 3-foot-long, 40-pound fish is known for his sly grin, which "probably comes from the wisdom of the ages," said John McCosker, director emeritus of the Steinhart Aquarium. ******* A man who held up the Oak Valley Community Bank in Modesto, Calif. forgot to cut eye holes in his mask and had to keep lifting the corner of the cloth to see as he fumbled his way through the heist. Unable to see, he grabbed some cash then crashed through the glass front door to make his escape. You might say he robbed them blind. ******* Officials at the University of Minnesota have come up with an idea to keep people from swiping the campus Christmas tree - and it really stinks. They've sprayed the large balsam fir with the scent of skunk. "Why skunk? Can you think of something worse?" said Less Potts, grounds superintendent of the Twin Cities campus. Bill Hoffmann, Wire Services
Florida.... A woman was hospitalized after her gun fell into the commode and shot her in the rear-end. A deputy was called about a shooting and saw a woman bleeding severely from her left buttock. Emergency medical technicians were on the scene and had the woman airlifted to Jacksonville. Reports say the woman had just taken classes on firearm safety and she had a fear of being robbed due to past incidents. The woman heard something outside her home and reached over the toilet to raise the window and the gun fell into the toilet with the shot going off.
Thailand.... Kanchana Ketkaew, 30, is the Guinness Book of World Records' new "Scorpion Queen" after she endured 32 days - two days longer than the previous record holder - in a glass room with 3,000 live scorpions. Ketkaew, who has immunity to the scorpion venom after performing with them at a snake farm tourist attraction, suffered more than 10 searing stings. More than 400 scorpions were added to replace those that were killed. According to Ketkaew, the worst part is the smell of the live scorpion's waste. She also said that over 500 baby scorpions were born and that all the scorpions go into a frenzy late at night.
California.... A DJ who dressed up as an escaped convict for a prank has been jailed for 45 days. Joey Lopez handcuffed himself to a colleague and knocked on apartment complex doors to see of anyone would lend them a hacksaw. Armed police were called and charged the pair with falsely causing an emergency. Mr. Lopez's lawyer said simply," The courts lack a sense of humor."
Vandenberg Air Force Base, California.... One little hot dog in California is stirring up a lot of controversy among the animal rights community. Brutus the Skydiving Dog is a parachuting Dachshund who performs at air and space shows. A previous misconception was that the dog jumped solo, however, the pooch is actually tucked into a special pouch affixed to his partner and owner, Ron Sirull during his plummet to the earth. While activist Shirley Cram feels it "is cruelty to animals", the dog's veterinarian and the Arizona Humane Society have signed off the activity as being safe for the pup. Brutus has logged 100 jumps so far in his career. That's equivalent to 700 in dog jumps.
Palo Alto, California.... A thief drove off in a new $125,000 Porsche after convincing sales staff it was his. The real buyer, who waited two years for his special order, arrived 20 minutes later at the San Jose dealership. Palo Alto police, are still looking for the Porsche 996 Turbo and the man who drove it from Carlen Motor Cars. They say he arrived at the dealership dressed in a gray business suit and carrying a handheld computer. According to a police detective, the general manager had just told a worker to finish washing the car, because the customer who ordered it was on his way. The suspect then told the worker the Porsche was his and was given the keys. The car still officially belongs to the dealership because the customer who ordered it, hadn't yet signed the dealership papers.
Washington DC.... Customers at a McDonald's in the nation's capital got a shock Friday when two deer jumped through the restaurant window. The animals shattered the glass around 11 a.m. and ran through the fast-food restaurant, about a mile and a half north of the Capitol. When animal control officers arrived, one deer was trapped in the restaurant. The other had jumped back through the window and was found in an adjacent field. Peggy Smeller, with the District of Columbia Department of Health, said authorities didn't know where the deer came from. Four customers suffered minor injuries. Both deer were severely injured and had to be euthanized. Crews searched for other deer, but none were found.
Man pulled over by police while driving a stolen van with a body in back A Los Angeles man pulled over by police while driving a stolen van got a shock when officers discovered a dead body in the back. Juan Preciado, 30, told police he had seen the body of Sheldon Smith in the back of the van but had assumed he was asleep or unconscious. He had gone through his pockets then taken the van for a drive before he was pulled up for a minor traffic offence. Police believed his story and he is facing charges for nothing more serious than theft. Mr Smith, 53, the owner of the van, had been reported missing by his wife after he failed to return home from a drive. Coroners believe Smith, who had a history of heart problems, died of natural causes. Dead grandfather makes it to wedding ceremony A New Zealand man who died shortly before his granddaughter's wedding attended the ceremony in an open coffin. Johannes Fransen died two days before Rachel James was due to tie the knot. But his family took him along anyway - parking his coffin in the church during the ceremony. The former gardener died while celebrating his 79th birthday, New Zealand Press Association reports. But the family decided he would still attend the wedding, said Rachel's mother Nancy James. She said: "We just went ahead with the wedding and put his coffin at the side of the church. During the wedding reception, the open casket was placed at the end of the hall. Mrs James added: "He was just there...and people went up to see him. It really helped everybody, including Mum, who wanted to be with Dad." Mr Fransen was buried in the city of Hamilton. He was survived by his wife, Dora, 12 children, 54 grandchildren and four great-grandchildren. Driver pulled over with mum's coffin on roof rack A man in Germany who wanted to save on funeral costs tied his dead mother's coffin on to his roof rack and drove her to the cemetery himself. Police pulled over Peter Lindemann, 44, from Schopfheim, as he drove along the motorway with the wooden coffin attached to his car. He told the officers he wanted to save the expense of hiring a hearse and so had decided to drive his mother to her funeral himself. Although the man was permitted to continue on to the cemetery, police are investigating whether he contravened the country's burial laws. Teeth from corpses being sold as new dentures Police in Paraguay have uncovered a scheme in which teeth stolen from dead bodies are being sold as new dentures. Thieves raided cemeteries to steal the teeth, which they then sold on illegally to dental laboratories. Dentists in the Assuncion area were buying the teeth, thinking they were laboratory made, and fitting them in patients' mouths. The local government has issued a warning to dentists and dental patients to make them aware of the fraud. Newspaper Ultima Hora warned readers: "Be careful! A good tooth that your dentist may try to implant on you could come from a dead person!" Aureliano Escobar, manager of Del Este cemetery, said he had made more than 400 complaints to the police in the last few months. Now cemeteries all over the city want more police guarding their grounds. A local government spokesman said: "It is a very alarming situation and we are looking into it. Meanwhile everyone should be careful when dealing with teeth they think come from labs. "I say to those robbers, leave the dead alone." Teenagers arrested for playing football with human skull Police in Honduras have arrested three teenagers who were playing football with a human skull. They had painted the skull black and written lyrics from a pop song on it, reports Terra Noticias Populares. Police in Tegucigalpa believe the trio stole the skull from a grave after attending a funeral at the local cemetery. A police spokesman said: "They had no shame in using it to play football." The youths, two 15-year-olds and an 18-year-old, face charges for desecrating a tomb. Hazard, Kentucky.... A woman brought traffic to a standstill when she stripped down to her underwear and danced in the road. When local police tried to arrest the 25-year-old, she pulled off her bra and taunted passing motorists. Then she managed to flee to a nearby grocery store where the real fun started. The half-naked woman started running through the aisles singing and laughing. Three "brave" men finally helped police subdue the lady until a policewoman arrived. Police believe the woman was high on drugs. New Zealand.... A burglar who, after ransacking a house in Addington, and being very careful not to leave any clues, called the victims a bit later to berate them for having 'crap' belongings, according to police who traced the incoming phone number back to the burglar. Kazakhstan.... In an extreme protest against prison conditions, 43 inmates at the Kazakhstan's Aktubinsk penal colony threatened officials with a mass suicide. However, the attempt failed as prisoners endeavored to complete the difficult task of self-disembowelment by shoe horn. Although commonly perceived as deadly, the shoe horn stabbing limited the inmates to minor injuries. After their bizarre stunt, prisoners ended up with further criminal charges against them. The added penalties will give inmates more time to think of tools that may inflict a little more bodily harm next time. Wisconsin, USA.... A Wisconsin man is to appear in court accused of flashing at his neighbor for seven years. The man is charged with exposing himself up to five times a day His female neighbor said she finally reported it when she grew tired of the exposures after seven years. Henryville, Indiana.... Christopher Beldam was hospitalized after being shot in the leg while trying to scare his family cat. He explained to police, "The stupid cat was climbing my wife's new curtains, and I just wanted it to get down." Beldam asked his wife to aim the gun at the ceiling and shot to scare the cat. Instead she fired as she was raising the gun and hit Beldam in the leg. Police noticed several bullet holes in the ceiling of the room and concluded that this was a regular occurrence in the Beldam household. No charges were filed but police recommended finding a better way to control their cat. Nashville, Tennessee.... Dennis Ross is waiting for his love to be released from prison so he can marry her. Aretha O'Neal was imprisoned after she used her fingernails to rip off one of Ross's testicles while he was asleep. Doctors were able to reattach the testicle and Ross was able to repair his relationship with his girlfriend as well. "I love that girl," said Ross, "That's my heart, my soul, and that's my better half." Hopefully
Boston Massachusetts.... Boston police are piping George Gershwin music into a subway station to deter teenagers from hanging around. Officials say their plan is working as they've managed to reduce the number of young people loitering there. The Boston Globe reports now teenagers are complaining about the music. Willy Flaming, Boston Subway boss said, "We tried arresting the kids last year. That didn't work at all. We just wanted to try something different." California, USA.... A Californian couple have been ordered to leave the oak tree that's been their home for the past 12 years. Theresa Yallero and Belo Sedately have lived in a homemade hut built into the side of the tree in San Mateo county. The couple have used bits of plastic panels held together with leather shoelaces, bungee cords and alligator clips for their roof. Their chairs are made from old paint buckets, turned upside down, with castoff pillows on top. On the ground are two Persian carpets, rescued from a dumpster. Theresa says she won't be leaving despite the eviction notice and the fact her husband was taken away by police last week. The notice was served after authorities discovered the tree house was on county-owned land. Park rangers said 30-year-old Yallero must leave by the end of the month and take her stuff with her, or face another visit from police. "Parks are not for housing," said Patty Bunns, director of the county Parks and Recreation Department. Members of San Bruno Mountain Watch, an environmental group that has fought commercial development on the mountain for three decades, say they want Sedately and Yallero to stay. Australia.... A woman has been jailed for life in Australia for murdering and chopping up her retired gangster husband. Atoka Katakana cut up her husband with an electric saw and put him out with the trash at their home in Surfers Paradise. The 54-year-old was convicted of killing Ham Katakana, a former Yakuza gang member in Japan. Pennsylvania, USA.... A man has been arrested and charged for allegedly walking into a Pennsylvania Wal-Mart and putting on a porn movie. Police say he took the tape with him into the store and stood watching it on a TV. He was detained by staff at the store in York until police arrived. The man is alleged to have had two other porn tapes with him when he went into the store. He has been charged with displaying explicit material. Wal-Mart officials have declined to comment on the incident. Somewhere in the USA.... A nationally well-known chicken restaurant employee was arrested after a customer received a little something extra with his chicken dinner. This customer received two bags of marijuana Friday, instead of the extra biscuits he had requested. The customer gave the marijuana back to the employee, got his extra biscuits and called police. Police arrested Carlos Crony shortly after the customer complained about the pot. Sheriff's deputies said they found Crony with a small amount of marijuana, a handgun and about $500 in his possession. Crony often worked the drive-up window at the restaurant and authorities say he may have been selling the marijuana to customers who used the right secret word as a code. Sweden.... Police there say they stopped the same man for drunk driving three times within three hours. They first stopped the 30-year-old Norwegian speeding on the E18 highway heading for Norway and found he was over the limit. When he left the police station, he got back in his car and drove off but was spotted on security cameras and arrested again. Police took his car keys from him but later gave them back when the man turned up with a friend who he said was going to drive the car. Half an hour later, the police received new reports of a speeding car on the E18 highway leading to Norway and found the man was back in the driver's seat and still over the limit. The man faces three charges of drink-driving, two of speeding and one of illegal and reckless driving.
**************************************** Wurst-Case Scenario Causes Police Alert BERLIN (Reuters) - A man who mistook a salami for an automatic pistol triggered a major police operation on Friday in southern Germany, involving 10 police cars and a helicopter. The man alerted police that he had seen three men handling a gun in a car at a motorway service area. Police cars, dogs and a helicopter chased the car and held up the men, only to identify the "weapon" as a salami sausage. "Behind the dirty windows of the car, the man had mistaken the salami for a gun," a police spokesman in Traunstein said. "The men in the car had probably passed the sausage through the car." The salami was returned to its owners, he said. Couple Sue McDonald's Over Tough Bagel PANAMA CITY BEACH, Fla. - A couple is suing the franchisee of a McDonald's restaurant, claiming an improperly prepared bagel damaged the husband's teeth and their marriage. John and Cecelia O'Hare sued Friday for unspecified damages more than $15,000. They alleged the McDonald's, owned by Johnstone Foods Inc., was negligent and violated an "implied warranty that the food sold was reasonably fit for human consumption." They contend in the suit that John O'Hare broke teeth and bridgework on Feb. 1, 2002 when he bit into the bagel. The suit did not say what exactly was wrong with the bagel. The suit alleges the wife "lost the care, comfort, consortium and society of her husband." The couple's attorney, Tim Warner, did not return telephone messages left at his office. Tracey Johnstone, owner of Johnstone Foods, said she never before had a bagel complaint and had no idea how it could have been prepared in a way that would damage teeth. "It's a bagel," she said. Vatican Says No to Transsexual Priests, Nuns VATICAN CITY (Reuters) - In case anyone had any doubts, the Vatican believes that transsexuals should not become priests, monks or nuns. According to the Catholic news agency Adista, the Vatican has sent a note to heads of Roman Catholic bishops' conferences and religious orders around the world on the subject of sex change operations. The confidential document written by the Vatican's Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, its doctrinal watchdog, says those who undergo sex change operations have a "pathological personality situation." It advises bishops and heads of religious orders not to allow transsexuals to become priests, nuns and monks and any that have already made it through the admissions process should be expelled if discovered. Istanbul, Turkey.... A Turkish woman has been ordered to remove the cows she was storing in an apartment building in the city of Trabzon. She has begun to sell the "large number" of cows reported being stored there. Neighbors are relieved the cows are moving out. Apparently, as a local alderman reported, "Noise, smell and manure everywhere make a very ugly scene." Augusta, George.... A man wearing a Styrofoam cooler on his head tried to hold up a liquor store in Augusta, George. Police say Michael Poverleach punched a hole in the cooler so he could see, placed it on his head and approached the counter. The cashier says she heard him say something but couldn't make out the words because of the cooler. A witness told police that the man came around the counter and said something like, "Everybody get your hands up." Police reports say that the witness saw the man was armed with only a BB gun so he took it from him and pushed him out of the store. Police arrested Poverleach across the street from the store at a bus stop. He was still holding on to his "holdup cooler" which made him easy to locate. Akron, Ohio.... Debbie Turner thought what she was seeing was either a midget or a little boy. The later turned out to be the case. Apparently and 8-year-old foster child stole a pickup truck from a lot at the Chrysler Corp. plant and drove over 20 miles to see his family before being stopped. Turner said she saw the truck and could not see the boy over the dashboard. The keys were in the truck when the child found it. Quite a resourceful boy. ************************************************************************** O-kay, this is a joke but I thought it was funny! Beautiful Deserted Islands.... On a chain of beautiful deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people are stranded:
One month later, on these absolutely stunning deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred: One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman. The two French men and the French woman are living happily together in a ménage a trois. The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with the German woman. The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them. The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman. The two Bulgarian men took one look at the Bulgarian woman and started swimming to another island. The two Japanese have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting instructions. The two Chinese men have set up a pharmacy/liquor store/restaurant/laundry, and have gotten the woman pregnant in order to supply employees for their store. The two Irish men divided the island into North and South and set up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets somewhat foggy after a few liters of coconut whiskey. However, they're satisfied because the English aren't having any fun. The two American men are contemplating suicide, because the American woman will not shut up and complains relentlessly about her body, the true nature of feminism, what the sun is doing to her skin, how she can do anything they can do, the necessity of fulfillment, the equal division of household chores, how sand and palm trees make her look fat, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do, and how her relationship with her mother is the root cause of all her problems, and why didn't they bring a goddamn cell phone so they could call 911 and get them all rescued off this godforsaken deserted island in the middle of f___ing nowhere so she can get her nails done and go shopping... One More….. One Liners
One more and that's it! I promise…. Rules for Dogs
******************************************************************************* Brazil, South America.... A smuggler has been arrested in Brazil with rare birds' eggs hatching in his underpants. Austrian Johan Millinery had five parakeet's eggs wrapped in a sock, stuffed in his pants to keep them warm. He was stopped by customs officials at Rio airport while waiting for a flight home. Some of the eggs had hatched in his pants. "He put the eggs near his testicles so they would be at nest temperature," says a police spokesman. "Some of the parakeets were newborns, we assume that some of the eggs had hatched." Officers also found 21 parrots, four parakeets and two snakes hidden in his suitcase. Millinery has been released on bail but will face animal-trafficking charges, reports Sky News. London, England.... Former pop star Adam Ant has pleaded guilty to making threats. The 47-year-old Brit appeared in court under his real name, Stuart Goddard, and will be sentenced later. The incident occurred when Ant walked into the Prince of Wales pub in London, England, wearing a cowboy costume. Pub regulars laughed at the getup and hummed the theme to "The Good, the Bad and the Ugly". Outraged, Ant stormed out and smashed the pub's window. When several patrons chased after him, he threatened them with a starter pistol. Italy.... An unemployed Italian man has been accused of issuing false parking and speeding tickets to make money. The suspect is alleged to have photo copied an old parking fine he was given by traffic wardens and replaced the city's bank account details with his own and started issuing fines to motorists. Reports say the 23-year-old is believed to have collected payments for dozens of fake tickets, each worth $20. He was found out when a motorist went to the traffic wardens' headquarters to complain about a fine and discovered it was a fake. Romania.... Police in Romania say they have arrested a woman for eating her next-door neighbor's dog and cat. The woman had lived off stray dogs and cats for the past two years, saying she had no money to buy food because she was unemployed. She was charged after her next-door neighbor in the village of Iberia, Brazil found the skins of her dog and cat in the woman's garden. Her neighbor says: "My animals had been missing for a week and then I found the remains in her garden." Jackson, Wisconsin.... Sheriff investigators say that a 32-year-old woman was upset that her 9-year-old son had shot and killed a bird with his BB rifle, so she took the gun and told him he "needed to know how it feels" to be shot. "He began to run around in circles because it's harder to hit something that is moving," the investigation report says. The mother, who was not named to protect the identity of her son, fired but couldn't hit him, so she ordered him to stand still so she could shoot him in the chest. The boy was not seriously injured. When a sheriff deputy told her actions constituted child abuse, she replied, "Well, if you're going to arrest me, arrest me." He did: she has been charged with intentionally causing bodily harm to a child, a felony punishable by up to 15 years in prison. Toledo, Ohio.... A radio station promotional contest in Toledo, Ohio, awarded a car to Brian Root, 44, after he managed to keep touching the car longer than 49 other contestants -- six days. WKKO then learned that Root was not one of its listeners, nor even an area resident. Root lives in Mobile, Ala., with his mother. He travels around the country to compete in such contests and has won 16 of them since 1984, earning him about $160,000 by selling the cars. "Who would have thought of something such as someone who travels from city to city to participate in these kind of contests?" said WKKO general manager John Potter. Contest organizers say they plan to change the rules to prohibit "full-time contestants." Woman tormented by demons plans protest An American woman tormented by demons is planning a protest on behalf of fellow-sufferers. The 51-year-old former schoolteacher has spent six years seeking an exorcism. She now intends to demonstrate in front of the Norwich
Diocese in "I'll be carrying a sign and have my head covered in a hood. I want public exposure for the unpardonable neglect of people who are possessed by a demon," she said in the Norwich Bulletin. Ms. B, who asked not to be identified by name, at one point was possessed by 19 demonic spirits and spoke in "a tongue in which she is not familiar" in a session with her psychiatrist, according to mental and spiritual assessments of her. Roman Catholic exorcisms are carefully planned rituals that can include holy water, crucifixes and sacred ruins, according to De Exorcismus et supplicationibus quibusdam, a manual approved by Pope John Paul II in 1998. But getting one in eastern The symptoms started in 1993. "I heard hateful voices, I had an involuntary blurb here or there. I had involuntary motions. For example, if I had been cutting a vegetable, the knife would move. My eyes would move without my permission," she said. US holiday company claims first nude flight A Houston-based Castaways Travel says sex won't be
allowed on the flight from It has chartered a Boeing 727 for up to 170 passengers for the May 3 flight to the El Dorado Resort & Spa. The crew will be professionally dressed, and passengers must be fully-clothed for check-in and takeoff. Company owner, James Bailey, said more than half the seats on the flight and rooms in the resort have already been booked, reports the Miami Herald. He told the newspaper: ''Inappropriate behavior is not condoned. This is not a Mile High Club, not a bunch of groupies or anything. It's just a fun flight." Only when the plane has reached its cruising altitude can the passengers strip off. The Federal Aviation Administration said: ''We have no regulations pertaining to nudity on board an aircraft. It's not a safety issue." Bank robber shoots himself as robbery goes wrong A bank robber in Edward Blaine is said to have had robbed several
thousand dollars from a bank in He's then said to have realized he'd locked his keys in his getaway car before beating on the windows with a piece of wood. Onlookers who saw the incident gave chase and called
sheriffs who say But instead of hitting officers, he managed to shoot himself in the leg.
Cancer sufferer sues McDonald's over pepper on burrito A Marcus Long also says the burrito he ate on November 18 caused an infection in his mouth and possible damage to his vocal chords. The Houston Press says Mr Long's lawyer claims his client's health has been declining since eating the offending burrito on November 18. Last year the 61-year-old was diagnosed with cancer of the brain, colon, lung and spine after a routine procedure on his bladder. Radiation and chemotherapy treatments made his mouth sensitive and sore, so he stopped wearing his dentures. Almost every morning for the past year his wife Elaine bought him two pints of milk and three McDonald's sausage, egg and cheese breakfast burritos because he could eat the soft, processed dairy product with his gums. Mr Long said of the burritos she bought him on November 18: "I looked inside the burritos and they were just black. You couldn't hardly see the egg." She returned to the McDonald's outlet where the manager said they had stopped serving the burritos because of problems. A McDonald's representative is rejecting the claims from Mr Long: "After a thorough investigation, I have no reason to believe this claim has anything to do with my restaurant or my employees." He said Marcus Long was the only customer who complained. "I believe this claim is without merit. Food safety and the safe operations of my restaurant are among my highest priorities," added the representative.
Sex shop beside church under fire for 'clergy discount' sign A sex shop in The double-sided sign stands outside Pure Pleasure in
Stewartville so people going to and from the neighboring To people driving towards the church, the sign reads: "And God said go out into the world and have great sex. God's gift to women. Amen and amen." People leaving the church see: "No need to mail order. Gay videos in stock. Clergy discount. Have good sex. Hallelujah!" The Rev Joseph Grimaldi, who heads the church said: "This sign shows me that he's not only thumbing his nose at the laws of the township, he's thumbing his nose at the laws of God. I just hope I'm not too close when the lightning strikes.'' Malcolm Prinzing, who owns the land where the sign was placed and the building that houses Pure Pleasure, wasn't available for comment. Last week District Court Judge Debra Jacobson ordered the store to remove all sexual content for zoning reasons, however it's not clear if the owners have complied.
Leesburg, Florida.... "The fireball was unbelievable," said a witness to the crash. "He could've been fried," said a fire department spokesman, adding the impact into the power pole sent sparks flying as wires fell down around the vehicle. Electricity in the area was out for two and a half hours. But the Leesburg, Fla., crash saved the driver's life. Dean R. Woodring, 43, was eating a hamburger while driving, and a bite got stuck in his throat. He couldn't breathe and passed out at the wheel. Because he wasn't wearing a seatbelt, his chest slammed into the steering wheel upon impact -- causing the burger chunk to shoot out of his mouth in an unusual self-administered Heimlich Maneuver, rescue workers said. Woodring received only minor injuries, but was cited by police for careless driving and driving without wearing a seat belt. West Palm Beach, Florida.... A botched bank robbery turned into a free-for-all on a downtown street when thousands of dollars in cash went flying. About a dozen people scooped up the money, which was thrown into the street Tuesday by two men who had just robbed a bank, police said. Witnesses said those grabbing fistfuls of bills, some of them stained red from a hidden explosive dye-pack, included people driving BMWs and a Rolls Royce and a mother who left her baby in a stroller on the sidewalk to run into the street. "People risked their lives running into traffic to scoop up the cash," said Donna Bashar, manager of an apartment tower across the street. "The cash turned the entire street into chaos." The armed men robbed the bank of an undisclosed amount, then fled in a truck, which they abandoned several blocks away, police said. Police believe they dumped some of the money because it was dye-stained. Police said they recovered more than $1,000 from people who gathered cash off the street and gave it to officers when they arrived at the scene. Florida.... Two teenagers from, ages 14 and 15, were recently arrested again for stealing a car. This was the 25th car these boys had stolen in less than a period of two years. Somehow the judge released them after charging them with larceny. They were given a court date but not held over. Guess what! The boys had no way to get home from the courthouse and didn't have money for cab fare or even a bus. So what did they do? You guessed it! They stole another car. Within less than an hour the boys crashed into a fence and were once again arrested for their crime. I guess they will never learn until the judge decides to throw the book at them! ANKARA, Turkey.... Ethem Sahin was inside a coffee house having an espresso when witnesses say a cow fell through the roof knocking him unconscious. "My friends told me later what happened. I couldn't believe it," Sahin told reporters. Sahin's wife was just as astounded. "They told me that a cow fell on top of my husband. I thought they were kidding me. May God protect us from a worse accident." Apparently, the cow wandered from the hillside where it was grazing onto the roof of the coffee house, which was built into the side of the hill. Sahin was treated for minor injuries including a broken leg. The cow was mostly unharmed. Miami, Florida.... A garbage collector left his truck unattended and in gear causing it to begin rolling and it ran over a garbage can, toppled several palm trees, smash into a Ford Explorer, and plowed into a two-story home causing nearly $170,000 in damage. France.... An unnamed man tried to put out the eternal flame at the Arc de Triomphe in France by sitting on it. A flame can be eternal but a man's butt isn't. He had to be taken to the hospital to have his butt burns taken care of.
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